| Why is the whole world one ginormous cunt?
This comes from the keyboard of a man who is at his wits end.
Tis a tricky situation this life thing, between being poor, being crap at what i do, underachieving, being unreliable, having irrational fears of people, the shittest STM in the world and a rocky relationship with my parents, im a bit on the screwy side. (as you can no doubt tell im not in the greatest of moods to say the least).
Lets go back in time shall we..........(insert rippling and sound effects here)...........back in the day this was all a hell of a lot worse, but then i came to uni n things started looking up as I appeared to be able to make friends with something of an unnatural ease, which is shocking since, save a few noted examples, i've had precious few friends through school....something about me being a bit of a loser. Anyways upon commencing uni things were on the up, i had lots of great friends, some all important freedom and it is safe to so i was darned freakin' happy.
Well seasons came and went and now it was time for the second year, and I was optimistic. I'd moved into a (poorly constructed but great nontheless) house with some of my very closest chums. Then things started going wrong, like a skydiver having got horribly drunk before doing a jump, bailing out of the plane, only to realise that in his drunken furore he had forgotten his parachute....whoooooooops....splat! Money had become tighter than a certain biblical figure, my little mental deficiencies didn't get much better, despite a brief period of being able to control them in a way, and stuff happened regarding my friends. Now its not often im this honest about how i feel, or what i do with myself, especially on xanga, but i feel the situation itself demands it. Stress you see is at an all time high, which is saying something cos im usually quite a sressed fellow. Uni work is sliding, i appear to be passing just but im certainly not going to much in the way of lectures even assessed practicals get missed nowadays, i just dont feel up to going in, i've lost my thirst for knowledge with everything going on in my life, terrible busines really. I keep making resolutions to get over it and pull myself together which work momentarily but then i just get brought crashing down by something else, ad infinitum, ad nauseum in fact. Whilst i may not necessarily be able to do anything about my problems, which is fine cos im sure i can manage, i certainly dont plan on taking the cowardly way out thats for sure (altho the idea of a ludicrous killing spree is sounding more enticing), I would like to help in one matter. I want to go back in time. Back to last summer in fact, everything was nice and happy and everyone loved each other. Back when the only stressors were of my own making. There isn't much time left before D -Day comes and everyone parts ways. I would like everyone to remember how it was when times were warm and bounteous. The lambs of content were frolicking in the plains of happyness, and there was a warm fuzzy feeling like a sheep. Its easy to fall out, its harder to work to keep what you worked hard to get, and friendships are the worse. If blood is thicker than water, then best friend juice ( ooer missus!) is as thicker than Paris Hilton, who has just received the award for sticking the most pens up her nose and running around like a baffoon.
So in summary, I'm very sorry to bore everyone with my life, god forbid if i ever write a book, but yeh this is how i feel at the present moment. If there are any problems with this entry feel free to give me your two penneth worth and I will surely listen.
This is me signing off, take care everyone.
Keiren |
